Imagine Gone with the Wind, but w/o pants

The title of this week’s blog comes from an ad that Paul found on Craig’s List. He just sent it over while I was putting the blog pictures together- just in time, too, because titling things is easily the hardest part of an entry. The text of the ad said (all spelling is sic):

Producing and indie, period adult film. Looking for southern belles. Must have southern accent, aristoractic bearing and hour glass figures.
Must supply own hoop skirt.

Delicious.

Last week’s beanies go out today. For everyone that wrote in asking for one, thank you! I love giving gear away. This week’s giveaway: Built to Fuck t-shirts. Comment below and email me your mailing address and shirt size.



This week’s T.I.M. model hunt participant sent in these pictures:







I’d like to invite you all to check out the freshly-released, heralded-by-angels, sodden-with-semen Treasure Island Media release: Dawson’s 50-Load Weekend (Part 2). It’s available now, exclusively through the T.I.M. website, at a special, super-low introductory rate. Be the first person on your block to see the surprise ending! (Spoiler warning: Dawson gets more deposits than a sperm bank. Just kidding. I mean- yes, he gets more deposits than a sperm bank, but that’s not really the surprise ending. There really is a surprise ending, though.)

With the release of a new video, I’m going to run a new contest: link to this blog on either your blog or your website (forum postings and Tribe/MySpace listings don’t count), and email me the URL of the link. Each page we’re listed in gets you put in a raffle for Dawson’s 50-Load Weekend (Part 1), with the winner being chosen by Wally.

Closer to Dawson

Thousands of copies of Dawson’s 50-Load Weekend Part 2 arrived in shipping yesterday. They look beautiful, all those big boxes filled with fresh porn. If you’ve never seen thousands of brand-new boxes of pornography before, I recommend it- it’s like seeing the Grand Canyon, or the Eiffel Tower. I’ve taken my preview copy home already to, um, assure the quality of the product. We’re this close to releasing it. And you, of course, will get first crack at it, even before the stores and distributors. Here are some glimpses of what you can expect.







We have a new member of the T.I.M. team: Paul hired a new assistant and for some reason insists that he be called Wally. Well, Wally is now Paul’s Man Friday. He’s a sweetheart, and we’re all quite enamored of him. He’s helping with production and design, and he’s already become invaluable. So a warm welcome to the TIM team goes out to Wally.

We received a gift a while back- a bottle full of cum. It came from a man who is taking part in an upcoming shoot, and he gave it to Randy, because, as he put it, “it was too good to waste.” Randy, never having worked in food service, didn’t know that you freeze bodily fluids if they are to be ingested at a later date (although, come to think of it, I’ve worked in food service, and the situation never came up- “Hey Saul? Could you freeze this fresh semen? We’ll need it Thursday for the risotto!”).

Instead, Randy put the jar in the refrigerator. Specifically, in the vegetable bin, next to the cheese curd that I had brought in for my afternoon snack. Randy then promptly forgot to tell anyone about his “deposit”. A couple of days later, Paul realized that the fridge had started to smell like cum. “Why,” Paul asked, “does the fridge smell like cum?”

When the answer came, I questioned a. the wisdom of taking cheese curds to work, b. Randy’s taste in vegetables, and c. the entire idea of communal space. The fridge had to be cleaned- by Randy. There’s a moral to this story, but I’m not sure what it is. I’d hate for it to be something as literal as, “Don’t store cum in the refrigerator,” especially because, well, there are all those “ice cubes” in our freezer…

In the meantime, we now know what the shelf-life of semen isn’t…And we sent our most sincere apologies to the donor. And Paul has all of us working overtime to completely replenish the supply.

It’s a job.

We got another visit by the Satanically-tattooed Hank Stone, who sent in this latest addition to his inked-flesh pantheon:



Hank tells us that when it’s finished, Satan’s huge cock will look to be shooting a hellish load right into Hank’s hole.

Hail Satan, Hank. Hail Satan.

Here’s this weeks’"I wanna be in a TIM video" model:







Discuss his beauty amongst yourselves.

More beanies went out today. I can stop calling these things “contests” at this point, and just break down and admit that I get off on giving stuff away. More beanies! Write in if you want one. Next week I’ll do t-shirts again, but it’s still chilly out, and I’d hate for your heads to be cold.

South Africa?

I wasn’t around the office much this last week- Paul sent me off to an HTML boot-camp to help me realize my dream of becoming a geek- but I really get off on seeing everyone’s comments on the last post. I mean, South Africa? South Africa is reading this? That’s awesome! You’re all great. I look forward to chatting with you over at the Paul Morris Forum.

The boot-camp was great. Three days of listening to a hyper-energetic (yet very patient) teacher talk about tags, tables, and cascading style sheets made me really excited to start reading the source codes on websites. I can’t actually design anything yet- my skills are limited to changing colors and fonts at this point- but I’m looking forward to wearing my sunglasses at night and pretending to be a hacker when chatting up the regulars at the local martini bar.

Here’s the second installment of the “T.I.M. applicants” file:




Let us know what you think about him. The response to last week’s picture set was overwhelmingly positive (and by the way, rbrskin, as far as I can tell, no- there’s nothing more than platonic interspecies love between this boy and his dog), and this feature will help us decide on future models- kind of like American Idol, but with more buttfucking and less hubris.

A few moments ago, Paul walked up and announced that Dawson is even more accessible than before (which, if you’ve seen him in a blindfold, is kind of hard to imagine). He can now be contacted at his brand-new Treasure Island Media account- Dawson@treasureislandmedia.com, so feel free to send him gifts, love, or the electronic equivalent of stained jock straps.

As for last week’s beanies- I’d love to send them out, but my ESP is broken! Please, please email me your mailing addresses with your requests for beanies, because sticking them in a box addressed to “piggybttmguytx” never seems to work. Same for “Anonymous”. If you asked for a beanie last week but didn’t send me an address, do it now! And if you didn’t ask for a beanie, go ahead.

To those of you just joining us...

So rbrskin wasn't the only person to call me out on my inability to tell a fake person from a real one. Paul called me on it, as well- apparently Ulf appreciates our work, and he made the above image especially for Paul. Paul asked that I share it with everyone.

Paul also asked that I start posting pictures of the men that write in asking to be in our films. Every day we get dozens of new ones, ranging from heavy guys in San Francisco to twink-y boys from Switzerland to gleefully happy military-type guys in their whitey-tighties to Hank Stone and his devil-hole. I'm going to start with this adorable boy who's been talking with Nick about bottoming in our films (he's the cuter one):




This is an example of an interesting phenomenon- the pictures people send in aren't ever exactly what you'd expect. For instance: not too many people would make the artistic decision to include their pet Pomeranian in a picture submitted to a porn studio.

Frank just finished making the cover for Dawson's 50-Load Weekend (Part 2), so we're a few moments closer to releasing it. Don't start writing in about it just yet, though, because there's still a little wait before it's available. I promise that blog readers will be the first to know. All I'm doing here is teasing you with an image of the new cover.



This blog and the Paul Morris Forum are now linked from the Treasure Island Media homepage, so we're getting a lot of new traffic. As a warm welcome for everyone stopping by for the first time, I'm offering a Damon Dogg-designed "Gloryhole Dog" beanie to anyone who's never written in before.

Thanks, everyone!

Madness, Guns, and Conversation

A brief glimpse into our mail files (all grammatical and spelling errors below are those of the author, who was understandably agitated):

Subject: Re: [CODE: PAUL MORRIS and MAX SOHL][THE KEY TO JOY IS DISOBEDIENCE][CODE: subplot][:k:]->[Video: DAWSON'S 20 LOAD WEEKEND][Video: BIG INSIDE][Video: FUCK HOLES][Video: BREEDING MIKE O'NEILL][[Video: KNOCKED UP][treasureislandmedia.com/tivideo/bbb-dawson.htm]

Sent to: benedictxvi@vatican.va; paul@treasureislandmedia (ed: I shortened this part, but it included the president of Bank of America, the general address for the FBI, and about 45 other people who probably don't assign a huge chunk of their time to gay porn)

Body: Dear FBI,

I am told that this is the one["weekend at bernie's"]. Now what? I doubt there are any images of me on that site. I hope i don't get sued for copyright infringement for blatanly diobeying the instructions on his web site. One thing i know that Todd has studied is copyright infringment law. why would a two-bit porn star care about that kind of stuff?

And apparantly, Paul Morris is a "philospher" , as well. If you would CROSS REFERENCE: Brooklyn Public Library Card Database, for ANY OTHER CARD WHICH USED MY ADDRESS TO REGISTER[ed: deleted], you'll find one of his "cronies": MR ALOPECIA[bald headed hustler].

The author of this email then sent along something like 10 other emails, all within the space of a few short minutes. Each letter had an equally complex subject line. The gist of the emails was that Paul had drugged the author, tied up his wife, and then filmed him getting gangfucked. Paul then used special effects to paste Dawsons face atop that of this poor, brutalized man. The author, fortunately, happened upon our website, where he slowly pieced together the facts of the situation: he had been hypnotized into believing he was a cumwhore.

And what's worse is that it's all true. There is no Dawson. Treasure Island Media is the Pixar of porn studios, and we sneek into people's homes (a la Geraldo-era Satanists), and kidnap straight guys from their wedding beds and fool them into putting beer bongs full of splooge into their open, willing assholes. This is our M.O., and there's nothing the FBI, or indeed, the Pope will do to stop us- after all, they're on our side.

Speaking of madness, Randy just came over to my desk with a picture he found on Craigslist. He claims that it is 2257-compliant, so I am pleased to share with you a picture of a threeway where one of the participants is what appears to be a fully automatic assault rifle:



You're welcome.

(Update- Randy and I both win awards for not being able to tell computer-generated graphics from a real picture of people boning. The artist is a man named Ulf, whose website, http://www.ulfworld.net, seems to be having some technical difficulties)

In other news, everybody that asked recieved a t-shirt, and the Paul Morris Forum is populating at a rapid clip. We're at over 150 members, and happily chatting about porn, cum, piss, fucking, blogs, and all the other stuff that other forums frown upon. Welcome home, boys.

Last week's game is still in play: all new registrants to the forums get a "FUCK YOU REAL GOOD" t-shirt. Last week's winners get their shirts shipped out today.